The wrong reasons to preserve our marriage. Part 1



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If we are avoiding divorce only because we don’t want to be alone or because we don’t want it to reflect on our children, we are doing a bad favor to all.

 

The institution of marriage is often unable to fulfill all the promises that were made on the wedding day. Marriage is (at least in the modern society) a structure that combines security and love in itself and it aims to make the life of a couple better. Of a practical point of view, marriage is also considered a basis on which a family is created. Its main purpose is to fasten a couple’s life experience and to mitigate it.

We could all for sure agree that the purpose of marriage is to make a couple’s life easier. Despite of that hypothesis, marriage could go through failure and frustration too. Ironically, marriage sometimes could turn into an excuse for people’s unhappiness.

The fact that more than 50% of the marriages end with a divorce is the smaller problem. The bigger problem is related with the fact that most of the preserved marriages are unhappy. And sadly, a lot of people live with that fact.

Even though that divorce is a potentially terrifying and stressful experience, it at least gives us the opportunity to make our lives better. Preserving our marriage and living unhappy without the hope of a brighter future, could be very depressing. Despite that, many people doom themselves to that kind of life.

Many couples with similar relationships just give up on trying making their marriage better. And despite that they fear getting divorced. Their frustration keeps them together.

 

The fear factor

Fear is the biggest barrier before our growing up in life. Very often, people literally fear sharing their real feelings to their partners. This fear has its different ranges – one of them is the fear from divorce and the unpleasant experiences that it comes with. Another fear is from telling the truth to your partner about the lack of passion, respect and intimacy between you in your marriage. There is also a fright of loneliness.

But keeping a marriage because of a particular fear is something that leads to ruining it even more. People who avoid getting divorced with the only hope that their marriage will get better, usually stop working on their relationship with their partner and that all ends with unhappiness, depression and emotional suppressing. That is the worst possible scenario.

 

In case we are in this position:

● We should face our fears.

The fear from divorce eliminates our chances to make our marriage better. That inactivity leads to subsequent frustration and makes the relationship with our partner even worse.

If we could get over our fears, that could lead to preservation of our marriage, not out of fear, but because we want to preserve it.

This solution could affect our marriage in a good way by prompting us to go to a marriage therapy. In other words, getting over our fear from divorce does not mean separation. It means that we are starting to realize what we really want and whether we are or we are not preserving our marriage because of the wrong reasons.

Fear blurs our mind and often stays in our way while we are constructing the image of reality. Our attitude towards our partner often is a result of our emotions and sometimes our anger. This anger often comes from the frustration that we are bogged down in a hopeless marriage.

 

Getting over our fears allows us to create a stronger relationship with our partner or to move forward with our life. Both options are better than the one where you preserve your marriage and stay unhappy with all the endless problems. Fear shouldn’t be a factor when we are making our choice whether to keep our marriage or not. After all, we all deserve to live a happy life. It’s not selfish to think that we deserve to be happy. Actually, suppressing our happiness is a bad example for our children. We don’t want to give them bad examples, do we?



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